5 Ways to be a more patient mom
Motherhood

5 Guaranteed ways to become a more patient mother

I have witnessed other mothers seriously lose their cool with their kids in public. As a mom I know that this does not mean they are bad mothers, it’s just that kids naturally push their boundaries and have a penchant for doing the most ridiculous things on your watch … usually infront of an audience.

You get so frustrated and embarrassed that your natural inclination is to lash out at your child which is normal but it is not worth the months of guilt for losing control of yourself.

Here are 5 tips on how to be more patient and deal with bad behavior so you too can deal with your kids with zen-like calm during those unsavory moments.

Mommy and Joshua

Find out how to be a more patient mother

1. Pick your battles

If he cries to wear that new t-shirt to school for the fifth day in a row – let him. The teachers are used to the whims of little children and nobody will judge you. It’s not worth the fight and the tears especially when you need to get them going in the mornings.

Sometimes we just need to take stock of the situation/cause of the disagreement with our child and make the call on what is important and what is not worth the fight. It’s not called giving-in, it’s called allowing them to be children just like we once were.

They are lucky to wear whatever they want without getting judged for it. We would not get away with showing up at the office or showed up at drop-off in the morning wearing a spider man suit! My daughter has worn her cow pajama bottoms to school many times before, sometimes for days in a row! I don’t care because it’s not worth the fight and even though I would prefer for her to look like a picture every morning, I don’t mind her just being a kid while she still can.

2. Cover the basics

Sometimes children misbehave because they being plain naughty, but there are exceptions when the bad behavior is a result of over-stimulation. When you are presented with bad behaviour, do a mental checklist:

  •  Are they hungry?
  • Are they tired?
  • Are they over-stimulated?

All of these factors could result in a display of bad behavior which you might misinterpret as a tantrum.

3. Get down to their level

I might make suggestions but I usually let my daughter dress herself. She very meticulously plans her entire outfit for the day, no two items matching but that’s OK, she is learning to be independent and I want to encourage that. Sometimes her dad will come in shouting that she is taking too long to get dressed and helps her himself. This ruins her entire morning and is sure to result in a very tearful goodbye which I hate because I believe that children be sent off to school with kisses and happiness.

Daddy might not understand but as her mom I understand that she is trying, even at her young age, to assert herself as a woman. She loves to be organized (like her mother), and takes pride in organizing her entire outfit right down to her matching socks (usually mine). She might be taking a bit longer than I would to dress herself, but sparing a few minutes to allow her that will make her feel independent and give her a sense of achievement thus making it totally worth your time.

4. Time-out

Children have not yet developed coping mechanisms to deal with overwhelming feelings so very often they start crying or throw a tantrum when they are overwhelmed. As moms our reaction to the situation will impact the outcome. As the grown-ups we don’t have that same handicap, we are adults and we have coping mechanisms we can use.

One such coping mechanism is to give yourself a time-out. Go for a walk, read a magazine, make yourself a cup of tea and sip it slowly. You will find that once you have replenished the well from which your children are drawing from you will be able to deal with your children much better.

5. Laugh and enjoy the moment

Easier said that done I know! But sometimes all you can do is throw your head back and laugh out loud with your child and just enjoy the moment because they are only children for a short while. Even when they drew a portrait of you with crayons on the wall. Even when your child is resisting potty training and has found a few very creative places to go potty (behind the curtains and couch)!

At the end of the day moms are all only doing their best. Once in a while we all flip out but we learn from our mistakes and the guilt we feel afterwards prevents us from lashing out the next time. Hopefully these tips will help you to develop coping mechanisms of your own.

Do you have any other coping mechanisms to add? Leave a comment and let’s compare notes. Moms are each others best cheerleaders!

Anthea

Anthea O'Neill is a wife and proud mom of three. She is front-end web developer, blogger and a self-proclaimed glitter & yarn addict. Anthea's Project Life is a blog for the modern mom.

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8 Comments

  1. Pick your battles is my favorite! My son always used to tell his sister, just go to your room–I used to go to MY room to diffuse the situation!

    1. Anthea says:

      LOL another dad also spoke about sending the mom and kids to their rooms until they can all get along!

  2. And this is why I subscribe. I am so guilty of not being fully prepared and my lifestyle but fortunately she isn’t at the age to embarass me yet. Hopefully I will remember some of these

    1. Anthea says:

      Your days are numbered…Kennedy will get there soon enough so keep the wine..urm…tea handy!

  3. This could also be written for Dads, In my house whilst the kids were growing up I was the one with the patience of a saint, my wife never did understand why my son wanted to wear his new football boots to bed or why the world was about to end because we couldn’t find Rosie, my daughters battered old cuddly dog. The kids are all grown up now and we laugh about those times and whilst my son has grown out of his boots, my daughter at 21 still owns Rosie, who is now 16 years old and even more battered 🙂

    1. Anthea says:

      That’s funny as both my kids also have a “Rosie”. Interesting to hear that Dad was the patient one!

  4. Very nice tips Anthea!
    Some things that I feel largely determine how children behave is, like you said – food and sleep. If my toddler is misbehaving, it’s usually one of the two. Unless of course he’s sick or trying to get my attention by being brattish!! 😛

    1. Anthea says:

      You are so right I forgot to about them being sick – that also brings out the worst! I’d say only 5% of the time is just plain naughtiness, the rest of the time it is usually one of those three – hungry, tired or sick.

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