Parenting

My mother daughter date that backfired

When you’re not the fun parent you always have to make sure you also get to feature in your daughter’s life. Unlike the fun parent, you have plan out mother daughter dates. Spending time together doesn’t always just happen!

Mother daughter date

In our family we all know our roles. Joshua and I are closer and Alex is a daddy’s girl through and through so naturally he is the fun parent to her. Everything daddy does is cool whereas time spent with me requires planning. I am a daughter myself so I know the mother daughter relationship is a challenge. For that reason I make a bit of effort to make sure we spend time together too.

The challenge with our mother daughter dates

Our interests are just so different! Where I love to craft and visit the library, Alex and her dad have a sword collection and enjoy watching anime. I planned to celebrate her upcoming birthday with a little tea party for girls but she went with dads idea of a ninja party instead. I’m always wracking my brain to come up with interesting things for us to do together. I want at least some memories to be just ours!

The perfect mother daughter date idea

One day I woke up to yet another beautiful Spring day and inspiration struck! The sunlight flooded our bedroom and I was just lying in bed and wondering how to spend the Saturday. Joshua was studying for his exams so I thought, Alex and I could make a garden together!

I knew Alex would be thrilled to do some gardening with me because it’s something unique to both of us. We’ve never even had a pot plant before! Since we don’t have the space for a garden, I thought of doing a small potted garden. At six, I could only imagine (and relish) how much she would enjoy digging in the dirt and planting new flowers!

Getting our gardening supplies

Builders Warehouse

I got up and headed straight for Builders Warehouse to get supplies. Luckily we have one very near us and they had everything I needed. The staff were very helpful and taught me how to plant the flowers and take care of them too. The more I learned about gardening the more excited I got about my big surprise!

Joshua went with because it meant a study break. Together we picked out a bright pink planter box, two 6-packs of flowers in bright colors and a big bag of soil. I wanted a garden small enough for Alex to take care of. It turns out those boxes are expensive so we got this medium-sized one. I thought we could always add another once she proves herself a diligent gardener.

Builders Warehouse

Planting our garden

Being a big brother, Joshua was even more excited than me about her surprise. He wanted to be the one to unpack everything and tell her what we would be doing! As expected, Alex was jumping up and down and couldn’t wait to get started!

Finally I thought, I nailed it! An activity we could both enjoy and time spent with me for a change on not dad!

I told Alex to get everything ready and just went inside to fetch her some old clothes to mess in. When I came back outside,ย I saw a neighbor with her, a little boy around her age and before I could say anything she was asking him to plant the garden with her! After all that planning and excitement, Alex asked me if Kheano could take my place and plant the garden with her.

Mother daughter date ruined

The next hour was spent quite miserably. I planted a big smile on my face and instructed the two kids on what to do. Even though I felt very left out what could I do? I couldn’t chase away a six year old and I also couldn’t force Alex to spend time with me instead of him. To add insult to injury, they had a blast! They were chatting and laughing and doing all the things I’d wanted to do with her.

Ashley just shrugged it off and said that she obviously thought she’d have more fun with her friend. I guess he didn’t understand (nor her) that I was disappointed not to be included.

It’s no fun not being the fun parent

Moms are usually the ones behind the scenes and making everything work in the home. We’re the homework checkers, bath sergeant and lunchbox police moms. My friend and I were talking the other day about how uncool it is to not be the fun parent. She even said how left out she feels when she’s in the kitchen making dinner and the kids are on the couch with dad laughing and joking in-front of the TV.

It’s exactly that and so much more that I feel sometimes! Somehow it’s not so bad with Josh. He is my first and my boy so it’s much more natural. Alex has this relationship with her dad – easy. She is so precious to me and I want my daughter and I to have a close relationship even if it means I have to come up with these plans to spend time together.

At least we have a pretty garden

So now we have a new addition to our home which is a very pretty planter box full of flowers. Alex will be tending her garden and checks the wetness of the soil with her little finger everyday. All the flower buds have names and her dad brings the whole box inside every night. She hates the idea of the wind buffeting her garden so they get to sleep inside.

Eek! What the actual is on my hands?

Ruining mother daughter dates is genetic

Later on when I told my mom what had happened she had such a laugh! I don’t think it’s polite to laugh at your daughter but she said I’d ruined many a mother daughter date in my day. Apparently I also invited friends to join or replace her when she’d made plans with me growing up. Of course, I don’t believe a word of it. Having felt that disappointment as a mother I don’t think I could have ever been so callous!

Mother Daughter date

I guess I’ll just keep trying to come up with new mother daughter date ideas. I hope that when Alex is “all growed up” as she says, she won’t recall the times mother daughter dates that failed but rather how her mom always tried to spend time with her.

Do you have any suggestions for a mother daughter date? Looking for budget-friendly and simple ideas. It has to be good since I clearly need the help! Please leave it in the comments below.

 

 

14 thoughts on “My mother daughter date that backfired

  1. ha ha ha ha I LOVE KARMA!!!!!!!! … you did the very same to me throughout your childhood but the minute I stopped arranging dates and left you to do your own thing, you were so terribly offended and sad. That was the start of your, ‘Orphan Annie Syndrome’. So DON’T EVER STOP! It seems to be a thing with daughters just because they can…………..

  2. I think the “key” to not feeling left out, is communicating to your daughter , that this time/ activity is for you and her only, before hand. That should alleviate a lot of FOMO….

  3. I also feel for you! It’s not nice to feel left out, especially when you’re such a nucleus for the family. Just keep trying. My daughter and I have a Fri-Date (I sometimes blog about it on Suddenly a Mom) – we go for coffee or a walk or a swim. Something that involves no iPads and NO DADS! I also like the idea of going somewhere else with her (not in familiar surrounds) and asking her questions. Kids love talking about themselves. I think we all do. I ask her about what she’s good at, what makes her laugh, what makes her scared, ect… It’s very revealing.

  4. Hahahahahaha! ๐Ÿ˜€
    You poor child!

    To be fair – Alex doesn’t worry about me when I visit but Josh is always the first one to give me a big hug when I walk through the door ๐Ÿ™‚

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