It’s OK not to like your spouse all the time

The other day Ashley and I had a fight. I use the word “huge” lightly because I do have a flair for the dramatic. It might or might not have been as earth-shattering as I thought it was on that day. Regardless, he made me mad, really mad.

Love your spouseWe argued until we reached a standoff (the kind where neither wants to be the first to crack) which lasted for a few days.

It was during this period of giving each other the silent treatment and being polite but not friendly that he sent me this meme.

He loves me!

As a women, don’t you feel robbed when your spouse does something sweet in the middle of an argument? I have so much to say and so many feels and then I am left feeling robbed of the opportunity to have a good vent! I feel totally deflated. He was letting me know that he felt love even in the middle of a fight and that just knocked all the wind right out of my sails!

Well played, husband, well played.

Be kind to your spouse

Sometimes we do need that reminder though.

Being a couple for as long as we have (twelve years), we’ve had our share of disagreements. In sending me this little reminder he showed me his heart. We might be fighting but thinking on it, I noticed all the little things we both even when we fight.

When he makes two cups of coffee, when I prepare his dinner knowing that he’s coming home hungry and telling each other stuff about our day out of habit. We still kiss each other goodbye in the mornings even though it’s a quick barely-there peck on the lips. He still sends me the predictable but expected text to say “have a great day”.

I don’t feel bad that we fight. It’s how we grow together. We always resolve something or learn to communicate better as the result of a disagreement. After eight years of marriage, it’s just so nice to know that we can shelve issues and still treat each other kindly. Our love is not based on feelings or circumstances. We made a commitment to each other and that’s the stuff that defines our marriage.


Loving your spouse means leaving your ego at the door

Proverbs 13:10

Where there is strife, there is pride…

The book of Proverbs is so rich in wisdom. It’s absolutely true that usually when Ashley and I have an argument, pride is not far behind. We each feel justified in our behavior and we each feel that we deserve to have our way.

Reconciliation usually starts when we leave our egos at the door and actually listen to each other instead of being reactive. We also found that it was easier to patch things up because we treated each other with love and respect even at our worst moments. It took us years to grow our relationship to this point but it has been a great lesson learnt!

I hope we’re not the only couple who sometimes fight? Please share this post as a reminder to treat your spouse with kindness no matter what. Comments are like manna for bloggers, please leave me one below and let me know how you and your spouse deal during a conflict?



Anthea O'Neill is a wife and proud mom of three. She is front-end web developer, blogger and a self-proclaimed glitter & yarn addict. Anthea's Project Life is a blog for the modern mom.

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  1. Yep, I always remember this little piece of advice: “The first 50 years of marriage are the hardest. Be kind to each other…” I enjoyed your post!

    1. Thank you Barb that is good advice!

  2. Oh Anthea – I had to read this today. Thanks

  3. Anthea, this happens so often with myself and my wife. Although the fight is frustrating, it is always fun to see who realizes that positive love is the best way to respond first.
    Have you ever hear of the book Joy Starts Here? It has some excellent tools for learning how to return to joy after a stressful situation.

  4. So brutally honest.
    Small things like a kiss when you say goodbye or hello, helps. I sometimes get mad at my hubby, then he says “give me a kiss” so that I would stop scolding him.
    Nice post

  5. After nearly 7 years of marriage, and more “Mexican standoffs’ than we can count, my wife Sabine and I are still happily married, she’s happy, I’m married 😉 I didn’t think it was going to be easy, yet even though there have been a few extra ‘surprises’, we keep coming back to each other after the proverbial timeout in our corners. And each time, it seems that we are getting better at sorting things out quicker and not holding grudges, for too long. Maybe it’s not the right word, but it is comforting to know that other couples go through exactly the same thing, and that we are not alone 🙂

  6. Pamela says:

    Reading about young couples having altercations is so sweet because making up is the best! It’s like having that silly childish feeling of being young & silly all over again. Keep on challenging each other. NEVER PLAY DEAD, THAT’S THE KILLER!!

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